Little John Rides a Cow
by railise
Summary: A man and a cow get more than they bargained for when stopping for a drink of water. Utter crack based on an image prompt of a cow drinking from a stream, written for Treat Little John Right in Robin Hood Intercomm at LiveJournal.


**~Part 1~**  
_IN WHICH  
a cow called Rita is thirsty_

The thatcher's cow meandered down to the stream. It was a lovely day, and she had been enjoying the sunshine and sweet grasses in the meadow. Birdsong filled the air, and a pair of butterflies flitted along the flowers nearby. The cow's name was Rita, and while some days she would have been happier not to be roaming quite so freely- when it was cold, or very rainy,- days like this made her life pleasant, indeed.

Walking down here had made her thirsty, but fortunately, she knew that a stream bounced through a small divot in the ground not far from where she was now.

Adjusting her gait a bit more leftward, she made her way to the water. 

**~Part 2~**  
_IN WHICH  
Little John is thirsty_

The days when deliveries were the most needed tended to be some of the worst. When it was cold, or very rainy- or very snowy- was when the peasants suffered the most, and the gang needed to be on their toes. John was glad that they were helping, since many of those people would not survive without the outlaws' help, and he was satisfied in his soul at the end of days like that. Days like this were his favorites, however, with the sun beaming down (but not too hot just yet) and a gentle breeze carrying the scent of spring. He always tended to take the longest way possible back to camp on days like this.

So much walking made him thirsty, but fortunately, there was a stream nearby, from which he often drank when going this way.

Turning southward a bit, he made his way to the water. 

**~Part 3~**  
_IN WHICH  
John and the cow encounter one another_

The water was divine, and Rita lapped it up happily. The stuff that the thatcher's son dumped in her trough was all right, but there was just something special about the cool liquid shimmering in the sunlight as it danced along the rocky stream bed. The plants that sprang up along the banks were especially tasty, too; but, for now, she merely wanted to enjoy her drink.

John stepped out of the trees, already looking forward to the cool drink ahead of him. The stuff they got in the forest was all right, but this stream was by far his favorite. The rockiness of the bed kept it from getting too silty or muddy, and unless he was mistaken, being out in the open air like this instead of covered by foliage added something to it, as well.

Or, perhaps it was just his mood that sweetened with the sunlight, although it would be a cold day in hell before he allowed any of the others to even guess that he had such a thought.

Clearing his throat as though he had spoken the words aloud, he glanced up- and drew to a halt.

Drinking from the stream was a cow. And, judging from her udders, she could spare some milk, with enough left over for her owners.

It had been awhile since John had had fresh milk, which had always been one of his favorite treats.

Apparently hearing his approach, the cow looked up.

"Hello, there, Cow," John said. 

**~Part 4~**  
_IN WHICH  
John attempts to approach the cow, and she is Uncertain_

The voice and the man to whom it belonged were unfamiliar to Rita. She sensed no danger as he slowly ambled over, but she kept an eye on him. If he thought he was going to get too close, he would have to rethink things, especially with that large stick in his hand.

John moved slowly, so as not to disturb the cow. Smiling at her, he murmured, "There's a good cow. I'd just like to get some of that milk, if I might. I think you'll be much happier then." She was paying attention to him, but did not appear very relaxed. In fact, as he got closer, she took a couple of steps away.

Drawing to a halt, he started to hold out his hands in a gesture indicating that he was not posing a threat, when he realized he still clutched his staff. "Ah, is that the problem? Here." Carefully setting it down beside him, he then started toward her again.

Now that the man no longer had the stick, Rita was more at ease with him, and held still as he neared. 

**~Part 5~**  
_IN WHICH  
one thing leads to another_

Setting aside his staff seemed to have done the trick for the cow, and John's mouth began to water; he could all but taste that fresh milk. He was just a few feet away now... all he had to do was cross the stream.

Fairly assured at that point that she was safe, Rita lowered her head to resume drinking. She was still keeping some attention on the man, but he seemed even more unthreatening now that he was unarmed than he had before, and the water truly was delectable.

The stream was not very wide, but most of the other people John knew would have to take a running start in order to successfully leap it. He, on the other hand, could simply step over the divot. It took a wide step, but at least he would not startle the cow by lunging across.

And, that is precisely how it might have gone, except for the ground that gave way beneath his foot as he stepped down...

...which sent him careening forward...

...which made him naturally grab for whatever was closest...

...which happened to be Rita.

Wide-eyed, she jerked as the man suddenly seemed to fly toward her, his arms latching onto her neck. She had no idea what he was about, and was not about to find out. 

**~Part 6~**  
_IN WHICH  
the cow is ridden_

With a startled sound, the cow flew into motion. John still had not regained his footing, and clung on for dear life as she galloped ungracefully across the clearing.

Why would the man not let go? Rita was perfectly capable of moving from one place to another with a sort of top-heavy, lanky-legged ease, but was making this journey as bumpy as she possibly could- and yet, still, he held on.

John was going to slip, and he did not anticipate what would happen if he did. With a grunt, he tried to swing his leg up and over the cow's back. It would have been tricky normally, and was even moreso with her in motion, but on the third try, he managed it.

Oh, so now, the man wanted a ride? Rita was unamused, and picked up speed, aiming for some low-hanging branches at the edge of the clearing.

As the cow bounced along the meadow, John bounced right along with her, wishing she were wearing some sort of bovine bridle. Then, he glanced up to see where they were headed.

Wide-eyed, he gaped as the cow seemed to fly toward the trees, with him latched onto her neck. 

**~Part 7~**  
_IN WHICH  
John and the cow part ways_

With a startled sound, the man tried to grip onto Rita even more. Still, he was not hurting her or anything, and she experienced a pang of remorse (as much as a cow can experience remorse) at having planned to run him through the tree branches. She slowed her gallop, and eventually came to a halt.

The cow seemed to change her mind when they were within mere feet of the woods, and John gratefully- and shakily- slid off of her back, stepping away from her.

The man and the cow regarded one another for an odd moment.

The cow's fresh milk suddenly did not hold much appeal for John.

The thatcher's son's water suddenly held more appeal for Rita.

Finally, John gave her a nod. "All right, Cow," he said.

Rita paused for a moment. "Moo," she lowed.

John turned and started back across the clearing to retrieve his staff, while Rita turned and started back toward the thatcher's land.

While both of them continued to visit the stream, they were both of them far more cautious after that day. And, if one approached and noticed that the other was already there, they would politely wait their turn within the treeline. After all, lovely days were meant to be peacefully enjoyed- and that, they could both agree on. 

**~The End.~**


End file.
